Unfair Pain

I have been having a lot of conversations with God about this lately.
It seems so many people I love and care about are going through some heartache that is not fair and no fault of their own.

And of course I think of my own heartache and inner suffering that I feel from time to time.
It seems to hit randomly and brings my heart to much sorrow, not just because of what I lack, but then also leads me to feeling the sorrow for those who are dear to me. Those who struggle with similar pain, who have endured pain longer, or who have suffered even greater than I. Before I know it I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, I feel tired and sad. I wish I could change circumstances, but know that I can't. I plead for help to change circumstances, that maybe this one prayer will be the one to make all the difference. That it will tip the blessing in my favor, in my friends favor.

Honestly sometimes it seems that the other end is silent in granting what I want most. It seems that I have put forth the effort to become... and it is greeted with the almost blessing: The blessing that is the simple joy letting me know that God loves me.

A beautiful sunset
A sweet compliment
A rainbow in the sky
The Bluebonnets dotting my drive to work
The sweet and peaceful feeling of the spirit
Friends
A Hug
A text message from a family member full of love...

All of these things reminding me that God has heard my prayer even if my or my friends circumstances don't seem to be changing.

I continue to pray because of these simple experiences that continue to happen. They let me know if the little things matter so much to Him, then He must be helping me with the greater things, and I just can't see it.

This morning I felt weighed down with sorrow and not sure what would uplift me. I didn't want a pep talk, I didn't want to listen to what I should keep doing because I already know and am committed to it in my heart. The Lord knows that.

In search of something but not sure what I went to LDS.org. Often I find uplifting and inspiring talks, but honestly did not feel like that was what would make the difference. I went because I knew it was a source for inspiration and despite my disbelief that anything could make a difference, trusted that the Lord would provide in some way.

On the front page was a video representation of the Savior Suffering in Gethsemane.

I clicked to watch it feeling that maybe it could offer some sort of relief.

There was a man representing the Savior heavily weighed down with sorrow, looking tired and worn, with the literal weight of the world on his shoulders.

He did not look happy, he did not look joyous, but he was willing. Willing to suffer for me and for my friends. Willing to continue to do what was right even though it would cause him the greatest of all suffering. He asked for it to be removed and yet he continued to endure in sorrow, in my friends and my sorrow according to the Father's will, so that we can return to live with our Heavenly Father after this life. So that we can have the greatest happiness.

It made the difference. It was OK that my heart was full of sorrow and that life feels hard, He understands that better than I do. He understands wanting it to be taken away, He understands wanting different circumstances. All of a sudden I wasn't alone in my pain, He shared it with me.

I feel that when we endure through sorrow to do what is right we will receive the greatest happiness as a result, in this life and the next. This is my hope and my faith.

These are a few things that have inspired me during my own pain and heartache:

The Savior Suffers in Gethsemane

The Atonement Covers All Pain

The Songs They Could Not Sing

Jalapeno Popper ...What!

Mmh, Jalapeno Poppers.

It's like a party in the mouth. Quite literally.

Each bite is an explosion of flavor from the spice of the jalapeno, to the saltiness of the bacon, and the creaminess and gooey-ness of cream cheese.

They are wonderful!

While shopping at HEB* the other day I splurged on some pre-made jalapeno poppers to go with my fajitas I was planning to make for dinner that evening.

That night as I was nestled all snug in my bed
I had visions of jalapeno poppers dancing in my head

I began to think of other delicious ways where I could enjoy and explore these flavors and an idea was born. Jalapeno Popper Pot Pie**

Here are the pictures of my recipe creation:

Cream Cheese Sauce

Just before entering the oven

Yummy, all nice and bubbly from the Oven

I liked it! Maybe not the best for a main course, but a great side! Obviously it is not on the healthy side of things. Sometimes you just need to splurge!
Had enough of a kick to get my nose to run, I'd call it a success!

While making the above recipe, I also decided to try my hand at loaves of bread from the oven. So far I have only ever made Banana Bread in the oven, the rest has always been my bread maker. I looked up a yummy recipe online and gave it a shot.

I used it today in my lunch for my Turkey sandwich. Yep, it was pretty awesome! Soft and every bite gives you a taste of cheese. Who doesn't like cheese?

Another Success!

Next I am going to try a recipe I found for Jalapeno Cheese bread. I can't wait to eat a sandwich or hamburger off of this!!

* The grocery store everyone misses when they leave Texas.
** I have been on a pot pie kick lately, exploring all sorts of different kinds I can make.

Letting Go...Moving Forward

It is so easy to hold onto the past when our desires lie with it.
It takes time to change our hearts and desires.
It Takes Action, a step at a time.
Turning away from what was or could have been and looking forward to what can be.
It takes looking to Christ and seeking for God's vision.
It takes making choices, taking risks, acting in obedience.
It takes remembering the whisperings of the spirit to your heart.

Elder Holland shared some wise counsel on letting go of the past and moving forward towards the future: Click the link below to read or hear his full talk.

"Remember Lot's Wife"

These are some of my favorite quotes. I like to remember these words of wisdom in the moments when I am struggling to let go. Words of wisdom remind me of faith and remind me that the Savior can be my strength in my weak moments when I struggle.

"The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."

"Dismiss the destructive and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future and the bright future of your family and your friends and your neighbors. God doesn’t care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and, with His help, where you are willing to go."